The white puffy clouds are masking the blue glory that lies beneath.
But I am now in a place where I TRY to believe there is glory in these clouds too.
Their presence does not negate the existence of the blue expanse above us all.
There are certainly seasons where the blue firmament is all we may perceive.
And what a gift those seasons are.
Yet, I believe there is beauty in the seasons of the white and gray expanse of glory as well.
And that is a season I believe I am walking in right now.
And as I walk on, I believe that there is beauty in it.
And as I walk on beneath this cloudy season, I CHOOSE to believe that the gray does not negate the blue.
Just as suffering does not negate a Healer.
Just as pain does not negate joy.
Just as evil does not negate Holy and Good and Just and Heaven.
So, aside from those thoughts from the crevices of my wandering mind;)
Both boys are napping at the same time. I am a bit flabbergasted and I have managed to hang up laundry to dry, prepared dinner 7 hours ahead, and now have a few minutes to scribe out a few recent happenings/thoughts.
It has been nearly a fortnight (what a fun word to be able to use…it means 2 weeks;) ) since I caught a glimpse of Adam with legs.
Yes, I know, surprised you may be (come on, by now you know talking like Yoda is fun for me).
And it was just for a brief moment.
I walked in to bring his feeding after his bath and Raja had dressed him for the night.
He fits in a 3T onesie (all of him but his legs).
Raja was holding him up and laughing with him.
The way Raja was holding Adam, there was a full length long legged oneside dangling.
For about 2 seconds, I was completely confused and thrilled and overwhelmed all at once.
Then I realized what was happening and I shook my foggy mind back to reality. I left Heaven and came back to earth.
And though it seemed like Heaven when I saw Adam fully formed, and though I speak of “coming back to earth”, I remember that He taught us to pray “on earth as it is in Heaven”.
How to walk that out? I am thinking that thru…
Anyways, I left the room and I remembered what really is and I finished my task.
But there were tears clouding my eyes for a bit and a bewildered smile exchanged with Raja.
This little scene happened only 1 week after I was swinging Adam to sleep one day and he was lying, his chest again my chest, falling asleep and I could have SWORN I felt legs wrap around me.
It was the strangest thing.
It was strange that these events happened because I do not sit around all day thinking about Adam with legs.
I do not pray for him to have legs.
I just do not imagine him with them at all.
He is just Adam as he is.
But I thought about how some people say about their loved ones “I would not change a thing about them”. And I completely understand where they come from.
But boy do I wish Adam had full legs.
And how I wish I could have kept him from needing 12+ operations before his first birthday.
How I long for him to be fully formed and to not suffer as he does.
But alas, that is not my job.
I may not understand His ways and why He works as He does and why sin exists as it does.
But I do know who He is.
And I know what He has done for us.
And I know that He has spared me and Adam and each of us thus far.
Not only has He spared us, but He has rescued us and renamed us and made us heirs.
And He has promised us Heaven.
And we know that the blue atmosphere is there.
Because we have seen it before.
And we trust that it will still be.
Even when all we may see is gray veiling the azure above.
Then I wake up this morning.
With eyes half open I read this letter that a mystery friend of Adam’s sent our way.
It came by post and it is a poem that this mystery boy, Paul, wrote for Adam.
This boy, Paul, captures my yearning and hope and joy for Adam more than I can thru this poem
“Dear Adam, son of God Most High,
To you I write these humble lines.
My name is Paul, of sinners chief,
who wants to tell of God’s relief
My brother Adam, grace to you,
From Him who’s making all things new!
The God who’s always full and whole
Loves you with all His heart and soul!
When God found me, my soul was dead was dead;
Though I was lost, for me He bled!
The gentle hand that gave me sight
Is now with you, to hug you tight!
My brother Adam, peace to you,
From Him who’s making all things new!
We have a God who loves us so,
He’ll be with us where’er we go!
Once God saved me, He held my hand;
When I fell down, He helped me stand.
The good news is, we don’t need feet!
He carries us with love so sweet!
My brother Adam, love to you;
from Him who’s making all things new!
Since Jesus is the life and way,
I go to Him for you to pray!
Remember God is good and great;
And waits to give us glory’s weight!
The day will come when you will walk;
With Him you’ll run and dance and talk!
My brother Adam, God for you;
Sent down His Son to make you new!
In Him we’ll always brothers be,
In Him who said, ‘find all in me!’
So now I end with these few lines,
Dear Adam, son of God Most High;
May grace and love abound to you,
from Him who’s named
FAITHFUL AND TRUE”