But sometimes, I do.
Sometimes, I do want out of the inconveniences and the research, medical bills, and uncertainty.
I want out of the isolated feeling that can easily envelope you in its vastness and make you feel so small and everything out there feel so foreign.
I want out of the cancelled plans and the pity people feel because of it.
I want out of mornings like yesterday when, for the first time in over a year, we made it to church early! The whole family, packed in tight with a proper baby bag packed with all anticipated needs of these three little ones. For the first Sunday since arriving in the states, one wild man did not fall into hysterics upon being dropped off at the nursery.
All seemed well until Adam threw a fit.
Adam, who usually dives out of my arms to play in the nursery with all thew new toys.
Adam, who has not needed his trach suctioned in nearly 3 weeks because he hardly has any secretions, and when he does, he coughs it out on his own.
Adam, who has been sleeping thru the night.
The same child who when friends come hang out with our family leave saying “um, Jess, Adam is your EASIEST child…I thought it would be opposite…but he is totally your easiest!”. Yes, that Adam. He threw a tantrum, we lifted him up, and there it was…the oh too familiar aroma of a burst ostomy bag.
That means a major rewind on the morning. That means one of us has to go back home with our Adam boy, do another bath, redress him, and most likely miss the service.
That one was me yesterday.