Just in case you thought I must be real special or called or compassionate in order to raise a boy like Adam…
I am not.
Just in case you thought that because Raja is a doctor and I am a nurse, that we know what to do when Adam is sick…
Good gracious we have no earthly idea.
But we know the One Whose idea was earth.
It was once just an idea in His infinite, holy mind.
And He SPOKE it into being.
This earth that contains oceans depths we still have not reached…it was once just a thought in His mind.
This earth, it was an idea in His mind that He brought into existence.
And our Adam, whose body befuddles the most studied of doctors…
That same Creator of earth wove Adam’s disfigured body into being in a little lady’s womb in a tea plantation in India nearly 5 years ago.
It was the state in India where 50,000 women die due to childbirth and pregnancy related causes every year.
I ache for that young girl whose body swelled with Adam and who now is without him.
It is a tragedy and a privilege, indeed.
Lately I have been confronted with how little I know in caring for Adam well.
So in case you are tempted to think I have it all together…can I spare you the silliness of that thought?
Because lately I have been seeing how the people around me are showing me how to love Adam well.
Like a friend today who stopped over to bring zucchini bread and reminded that it is ok for Adam to lay on his pillow like this in the middle of the playroom while all the kids are playing around him. Then her sweet little girl says “shhhh…this baby is seeeeeping”. I squinty-smiled back tears as I realize it is ok. Adam is Adam. He is battling a lot of sickness these days and he has minimal ways to comfort himself.
Just let it be.
Maybe it would help if I share a story.
A few weeks ago, a best friend of mine came over for dinner with our family. She brought a guest as well. Best friend has been around us and Adam many times. But her special guest was going to meet all of us for the first time. So I was being…ergh…obnoxious and wanting everyone to be on their best behavior (always a bad expectation).
Now Adam has pretty much been sick eight of the last twelve weeks. Fevers, vomiting, cyst infections, coughing, etc, etc. That night was a sick night for him. But I wanted our new guest to see and meet Adam and know how awesome he was.
Basically, I wanted Adam to justify his existence by proving that he was capable of sitting at the table with us.
I did want our new guest to meet Adam in his bed with a humidifier going and his face planted in a pillow. I wanted him to know that despite Adam’s diagnosis and fragile body, he was worthy. It was bad, folks. It lasted about 3 minutes before we took Adam off his chair, let him go back to bed (poor guy), and he proceeded to crawl back into the kitchen and lay out flat on the tile floor (always what he does when he has a fever because it cools him off). Best friend and guest immediately explained how it is ok and I saw that look in best friend eyes screaming, in love, “it is ok JESS…let Adam be”.
So I quieted me anxious heart and we enjoyed a meal.
Later that evening Raja and I were talking about the evening and I started to realize the slippery slope I go down when I do things like I had done.
Adam has no need to justify his existence.
His existence is justified because He was made by a Holy God. And made in His image, despite all the flaws our human eyes see.
I got to thinking…if Elliot was sick and throwing up…would I make him come sit at the table? No.
If I was sick…would I come to the table to justify my existence? No! I would lie in bed grateful for a chance to rest and know that I am loved despite my sickness.
You see, I mostly know this Truth. But I forget it every day. I long for people to know all the cool things Adam can do, instead of letting them know that Adam is the cool thing.
His life is a living breathing miracle simply because God breathed life into his lungs.
His life has value simply because of being created by hands, Holy.
So today I am thankful that I have friends and family that help remind me of this. I am thankful for girlfriends that come over for book club and say its ok for Adam to lay flat, without a shirt on, on the kitchen floor so he can cool off. I am thankful for relatives who let him scoot around the house on his pillow wherever he finds comfort. I am thankful for each of you who remind me in emails and comments of all the beauty you see in Adam. And I am thankful for Adam who continues to cuddle me and give me high fives despite me being such a ridiculous mama sometimes.
Most of all I am thankful for my Abba God who saw fit to fill one mama’s womb across the world with this little boy only to place him in my feeble arms and bleeding heart. Because thru him I am coming to see myself and this world so much more clearly. I am seeing ways I try to whitewash myself and my life and the lives of those around me. Adam is teaching me to be real and to love without abandon.
Most of all, Abba God is teaching me that He has no expectation of us when He invites us to the table. All He asks of us is to come.
P.S. Adam has surgery next week! Monday, June 22nd at 7:30 am Adam will have surgery to remove a dermoid cyst in his sinuses. Friends, this could be a game changer of a surgery. This is the first surgery we have waited so long for and we really think this could improve his health in big ways. At least every 6 weeks, this cyst in his ear, nose and forehead swells up, gets infected, and he gets high fevers with it. So he is on antibiotics nearly every 8 weeks. If this cyst can get uprooted and out, there is potential for great things. Please be praying.
We are going to continue with the tradition we did in 2013 surgeries!
On Monday, we invite you to wear a newsies cap and/or a bandana and share your pictures thru social media. You can share on instagram, pintrest, FB with the hashtag #prayforbabyadam and tag our family @jessicapaulraj
You can also email us at firstname.lastname@example.org
We were amazed 2 years ago at all the people who joined in and we will be so thankful to hear from each of you.
with love so deep,
Jessica for the P’s
|sweet picture of adam and elliot passed out together.|