It is 420 am. Adam is a bit hmmm….let’s say irritable. Basically just wanting to be held constantly for now 6 hours. But I am tired. What a struggle huh? Struggle of every mother and father I imagine. Isn’t that me though, in the face of Jesus? Don’t I kick and scream because I just want to be held by Him safely and not face the difficulties of days on earth? And He holds me. And ‘He never slumbers nor sleeps’, the One who watches over Israel (psalm 121).
It is 420am and I am wrought with thoughts of financial need. You see, before coming to the U.S., we were under the impression that surgeries could start immediately and money was not a problem. However, as time as unraveled, the money was not there that everyone was expecting (including us, doctors, nurses, and the rest of the team) and the hospital cannot provide free care, being a state hospital, so we are in the process of needing significant money in a one week time.
Before surgeries can happen we need $100,000. Wow. That is crazy. And to be honest, much of me had the mindset, of “oh, once I get to the US and get to UNC it will all be ok”. Perhaps that thought process even paved the way to, dare I say, laziness. My prayer time and time in the Bible has dwindled. Maybe I got to a point where I trusted hospitals more than my Lord.
So this morning I am asking forgiveness and handing it back to the only hands worthy. Pierced hands worthy. For He is the Father to the fatherless. And He will provide for our son. Because He gave His Son.
We have to trust in that.
Because $100,000 in a week seems impossible. But my son’s eyesight is at risk. And I worship One who gives sight to the blind.
In the night, my heart is weary but coming back to Him in hope. This song from Andrew Peterson is giving me some new things to sing…
I am weary with the pain of Jacob’s wrestling
In the darkness with the Fear, in the darkness with the Fear
But he met the morning wounded with a blessing
So in the night my hope lives on
When Elisha woke surrounded by the forces
Of the enemies of God, the enemies of God
He saw the hills aflame with angels on their horses
So in the night my hope lives on
I see the slave that toils beneath the yoke unyielding
And I can hear the captive groan, hear the captive groan
For some hand to stay the whip his foe is wielding
Still in the night my hope lives on
I see the armies of the enemy approaching
And the people driven, trembling, to the shore
But a doorway through the waters now is opening
So in the night my hope lives on
Like the son who thought he’d gone beyond forgiveness,
Too ashamed to lift his head–but if he could lift his head
He would see his father running from a distance
In the night my hope lives on
I can see the crowd of men retreating
As he stands between the woman and their stones
And if mercy in his holy heart is beating
Then in the night my hope lives on
I remember how they scorned the son of Mary
He was gentle as a lamb, gentle as a lamb
He was beaten, he was crucified, and buried
And in the night, my hope was gone
But the rulers of earth could not control Him
They did not take his life–he laid it down
All the chains of death could never hope to hold Him
So in the night my hope lives on
I can see the Son of Man descending
And the sword He swings is brighter than the dawn
And the gates of Hell will never stand against Him
So in the night my hope lives on