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perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf

November 27, 2011

Adam’s mom here.

It is a chilly Sunday evening here in Chapel Hill. Adam is doing wonderfully. He has started cooing like crazy, following our voices, and we are convinced laughing (by the look in his eyes). His appetite is increasing and he is being loved by so many.

It was so wonderful to surprise my family at Thanksgiving. We were at a beautiful state park in GA with a river running behind our warm little cabins. I have some amazing pictures of my brothers and dad with Adam that I will have to share later. I love my mom and dad. And my 3 brothers and sister.

So I wanted to confess something.

Many of you have not been with us thru this whole journey so the beginning may be a bit hazy for you. The last big post was written by my aunt, and it summarizes Adam’s story. I would encourage you to read that.

But, Adam was born and abandoned in the rural hospital where Raja and I were working in India (Raja is a doctor, I am a nurse). As the first few days passed, I shared Adams story and pictures with my dear sister Amanda. She immediately passed on Adams story to her prayer group and sent me Scripture to encourage me and to pray over Adam’s little life. She challenged me to share Adam’s life with others.

But I was scared.

I considered sending out an email to my prayer group.
For this child is abandoned and needs prayer and needs love and we needed counsel and wisdom in how to care for him.

 Why was I scared, you may ask?
Why had I not sent one earlier? Why just to a few people? Confidentiality may be one answer.

But ultimately, FEAR. I did not know what Adam’s future held. Death? Sickness? Orphanage placement? Was it going to be chaos? Was it going to make sense?

I longed to see a miracle in his little life, but my faith was oh so small. I did not know if I could handle getting my hopes high. I did not think I could handle my heart opening to this little one and then be disappointed when hardships came.

I did not know if I wanted to draw a lot of people in on a journey that may be long, tedious, and emotional.

I was remembering three young girls.

Kanjell, Sanu, and Pooja.

Three young girls whom Amanda, Annie, and I longed desperately to see found and placed into a home of love and support. Three street girls whom we met 9 months prior at a train station in India. We painted their nails, painted henna on their scarred, dirt covered hands, and simply loved and talked with them. I think we were a refreshing break in the grime and routine begging of their hot days.

And we went back in 2010 to find them. We got so close. We even met neighbors of the girls. But the search, in my eyes, was to no avail. I wanted to find those 3. Let them know they were loved. Find a home and jobs for their families (if they had families).

I wanted to see redemption in my own way.

And I shared it with a lot of people along the way. Many people interceded and wrote on behalf of those 3 beauties. Many wept and lost sleep over it. I struggled for a while. I was angry and confused as to why we could not find them. I was even embarrassed, for all those who had high hopes that were saddened. I regularly asked, ‘why would God have allowed so many to be a part of a story that ended like this?’

 I wondered why God did not author the story to end how I wanted it.

But, their story is not over. Those 3 street girls have many hundreds worldwide who now know their name. Their pictures are on banners in schools and classes and their names are stilled uttered across praying lips.
God may have ended my search for them differently than I longed for.
But He is still God.
And He is still at work.
And He will be exalted in the nations.

And then there is a story of Mimosa.
Read it.
‘Mimosa’ by Amy Carmichael.
It is true and it happened hundreds of years ago.
She heard His Name once.
She heard loving words once in her childhood and it changed her.
And her life was changed.
On earth and eternally.
By hearing one word from one person who loved her in a harsh childhood.
That is a story of hope that helped me deal with Kanjell, Sanu, and Pooja.

Perhaps Kanjell, Sanu, and Pooja will never be seen by us again.
But, God knows where they are. The hairs on their head. And He had a reason for us to look for them and He had a reason for prayers being offered on their behalf.

It was good that many joined us in that journey.
I learned that.

Fast forward over a year later…
There I was, doubting sharing about Adam’s story.
Because I did not know what God had in store for his life, and you know, if something messed up, I didnt want people to think you know, God messed up. 
What? Seriously? Who am I? 
I am but a worm (yes, a daughter; yes, loved; yes, redeemed; but in the words of job, human-‘a worm’ in light of His glory)
And His ways are higher than my ways.
And His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. 
And if we do not share and testify, the rocks and stones surely will!
So I wrote to you all.
I pleaded for you all to pray for Adam. 
And you did. Surely you did.
And God moved in amazing ways.
Adoption, medical care, health, loved, plane tickets, and the list goes on.
And I was proud.
Of what?
Of God.
As if He needs my pride or approval. 
Again, “His ways are higher”.
Forgive me, Lord.
Humble me, Father.
Teach me of Your ways.
I am learning. Of His sovereign ways. Of His redeeming love and His amazing grace.
I am learning that often times He works beyond me.
But here I am again, ashamed and embarrassed to ask for so much money.
$100,000? In so little time?
God, what happened?
That is what my flesh and mind cry out.
But my Spirit, His Spirit really, deep within speaks.
“Be still. Know. I AM GOD. I will be exalted”
All of my needs will be provided according to His glorious riches!
That is Truth. His Word is real. 
He places the lonely in families.
He is the Father to the fatherless.
So to Him I will commit my cause, as Job 5 says. 
This morning I was heavy laden with this passage from 1 Samuel, 
“Jonathan said to his young armor- bearer, ‘Come, let’s go over to the outpost of those uncircumcised fellows. Perhaps the Lord will act on our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few”. 
Listen to that. Complete surrender to a God whose ways are way beyond our ways. “Perhaps the Lord will act on our behalf”. SO that means, perhaps He won’t act on our behalf. 
He will act. 
Because He is God and He is good. 
So, tonight I repent.
And I ask for that precious gift of faith.
And I ask forgiveness.

Of my hesitancy to share the hard stuff.
As if I have to protect the Name above all Names.
As if I have to defend the Alpha and Omega.
Again I cry out “I believe. Help my unbelief”.

Lord, we come to you tonight aware of Your majesty and your love for Adam.

We trust you in every way. We continue to walk forward as Jonathan and his armor-bearer did. They walked in complete faith not knowing what the outcome would be. Help us tonight Lord.

Give us faith like those 3 men before Nebuchadnezzer. They who said before the King sentencing them to death by fire, “Our God is able to save us from these flames”. But then they had such courage and faith and surrender to say, “even if He does not, we still will not bow down to you, o king”. Despite the outcome, their faith and assurance was in the God of all.

Lord, let us trust in You despite what tomorrow holds. Despite what funding holds. You are able to do “infinitely more than we could ever ask or imagine”

We rest in You tonight oh Father.

I believe, Lord. Forgive and help my unbelief.

Filed Under: Baby Adam's Journey, Temple Waters

Comments

  1. Katie Anderson says

    November 28, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    The check is in the mail!

    What an truly inspiring story. I've been reading your blog for a week or so and noticed there aren't any comments, so I wanted to reassure you that people ARE reading and praying and God is moving hearts to send checks your way. I first learned of your precious son on Facebook and I intend to post your story on my profile as well.

    God bless you both and I pray God heals your sweet son. Keep on blogging. Your own story of courage after fear is equally encouraging and has blessed me personally.

  2. Beth.. One Blessed Nana says

    November 29, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    So moved by this precious little one and for you and your husbands love of God that in return bestows such love on your son, Adam. I am praying that GOd will just blow you away with His goodness! Praying for successful surgeries and His hand of protection and healing on little Adam.

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Wife to a shrink from the East.
Momma to 3 wild boys.
Nurse. Nomad. Friend.
Learning to live broken, yet brave.

Adam is a shadow chaser, high five giver, explorer, & overcomer. He joined our family thru adoption and has taught us a new way to see ever since. His unformed body revealed my unformed heart.
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My husband is a shrink turned seminarian who keeps me honest and laughing every day. We have 3 sons. We speak multiple languages but not clearly and we like dance parties but lack rhythm.
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