There have been many times since September 18th, 2011, that I have been led to deeper pits of questioning.
Longing to understand.
Why He allows suffering.
Why He allows bartsocas papas.
Why He permits babies to have no eyelids.
Why? Why? Why?
Why such injustice?
I needed/need answers that are understandable to my finite mind.
My temporary vision.
My mourning heart.
Just like His 12.
Those 12 men by his side constantly.
Though they left all to follow and though they saw miracles unfold, still they questioned Him.
When they met that precious boy born blind.
“Who has sinned that this boy is born blind?”
Surely, his blindness was a punishment for something or towards someone.
Surely, someone had screwed up and in wrath, punishment in the birth of a blind child was needed.
And yes, we do all screw up and yes, there is such thing as wrath.
But what was His response?
What was the response of the Almighty walking as flesh man?
The boy was in such a state so He, His Father, who are One, could receive glory.
Have I not seen glory, incredible glory, thru my son’s life?
Through his physical setbacks, mountains have been moved.
Faith of a mustard seed has been offered by many.
And He has shown Himself faithful.
He has shown Himself loving.
Willing to leave 99 behind for 1.
He has equipped us time and again when we fall short.
When we question again and again.
When we strive to explain and comprehend something Eternity authored and that Eternity is bringing to pass.
I mean, isn’t it the same thing HE should ask?
Why did He, completely pure, have to suffer?
For us, stained and blemished and disobedient again and again.
But, He walked it out, obedient.
Despite the pain of rejection and a Father’s face turned aside.
Despite the love outpoured to us, on earth, being rejected and returned back with nails, thorns, and death.
He knew there was something more.
He knew there was glory to be received to One on High.
He knew there was mercy ready to be outpoured.
He knew there was salvation at stake.
Though it was painful, He set His face like flint, on Love Divine, and hung.
And then, HE tells us that not only does His death free us.
NOT ONLY does His death remove the crown of ashes on our head.
And replace it with a crown of beauty.
He then can extend understanding and love and strength to us in our suffering.
For HE KNOWS.
He knows rejection, separation, immense physical pain, and a spiritual pain that we cannot comprehend.
So when Paul writes praises to the Holy One “of all comfort”
He praises Him because He can comfort us in our suffering.
And then bring a transformation.
For, thru His Power, we do not dwell in our own suffering and pain
But we then can comfort others in their suffering.
He suffered to put an end to our eternal suffering.
If only we look to Him.
He knows we will suffer temporarily here.
But He promises us we will not be alone.
He guarantees that He, the Holy One of all comfort,
Will meet us there.
And comfort us.
And then equip us to comfort others.
Dear ones, I have seen this lived out.
In the life of our 10 month old son.
Despite absent fingers, he has learned to play with toys and pick things up and exercises his hands in amazing ways.
Despite a nose, he enjoys the outdoors and laughs at what he finds funny.
Despite half present legs, he moves himself around freely and is now leaping and jumping.
Despite 2 weeks of nasty chicken pox, he shows incredible resilience and no bitterness.
And despite all that he has gone thru and still goes thru each day, His Creator uses him in beautiful ways.
A few days ago, Raja wanted to take Adam to visit one of his patients in the hospital.
A 22 year old boy who, while studying engineering, with dreams of the future, fell in the library.
The accident left him paralyzed.
From his neck down, he cannot move.
In the heat of this Indian summer, he is restrained to bed.
And it angers him and has nearly broken him.
No eating or talking for a while.
He is here and showing some sign of improvement.
Raja told him about Adam and what his journey had looked like.
The boy wanted to meet Adam.
So off Adam went.
Now, those of you who have met Adam, know that at first he is not the most interactive and playful with new people.
Especially in his current state.
He loves to cuddle and play, with those he knows.
But when Adam was introduced to the patient, he sat on his own in the boy’s hospital bed and looked at him.
Then, I want to weep as I write this, he leaned into the boys face.
And kissed (or ate/licked) his face non stop.
Meanwhile, jumping up and down as if wanting to tell him something.
Boy’s mom off to the side, crying many tears amazed at the moment between her son and our son.
Two boys, broken in the worlds eyes, but not forgotten by Eternal Eyes.
Purpose in pain.
I do not understand it to the depth that I hope my son one day will.
I do not understand pain to the extent that the precious 22 year old in the hospital does.
But I do understand the pain of a mother watching the suffering of her child again and again.
And I understand the anger and doubt and fears.
And I understand the eternal comfort that can only come from Him.
And I see it evident in these picture.
And I am again reminded, that though I question.
Just as the 12 did.
There is an answer.
He will be praised.
It is worth it.
One day we will see fully and understand.
One day, I will fully understand.
But, until then, I am thankful for pictures that He gives me like this one here.
To show me that He is with us.
Never will leave or forsake.
And even in broken places, He is making beautiful things.